There’s no business like show business, and there’s no better show business than the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show: It makes the Grammys look like the ESPYs. Once again, intrepid Siberian husky Chuchi’s Yuki kept an exclusive journal for Couch Slouch on his four-legged week in New York:
Wednesday: Because of heightened security measures, we now have to give paw prints when we register at Westminster. . . . Everyone’s happy to see us back. The Ziegfeld Theater is showing “Tinker Tailor Soldier Samoyed.” . . . I think the beagle’s new handler is from Denver; his commands were: sit, stay, heel, Tebow. . . . I wasn’t there, but Occupy Wall Street did not seem dog-friendly. . . . Had to travel from LAX to JFK in the cargo hold. Probably a blessing — the in-flight movie was “One for the Money.” . . .
If I never have to pee or poop again in the rain, it would be fine by me.
Thursday: Six new breeds at Westminster this year, although I don’t think the Wirehaired Glove Chewer has been AKC-approved. . . . If I have to hear the Boston terrier yapping about Tom Brady, there’s going to be trouble. . . . When I howl at the moon, it’s because I can hear Nancy Grace on HLN. . . . Public perception aside, some of the nicest dogs I’ve ever met have been Rottweilers and pit bulls. . . . Last week I TiVoed “Bones” on Fox. It was, ahem, not what I thought it would be. . . .
If Lindsay Lohan shows up, I hope she steals the Pomeranian.
Friday: Charles Barkley can tout Weight Watchers all he chooses, but if he wants to drop the excess pounds, he should just do like we do: Eat only twice a day. . . . Why do I bark at postal carriers? Because their pensions are killing off the USPS. . . . I would never want to be the First Dog — D.C.’s too humid in the summer. . . . You can tell the golden retriever is from Seattle. He’s got a “venti” water bowl. . . . Memo to Oprah: Looking for a way to jump-start your struggling OWN network? More dog shows! . . .
I’d kill for an Angus burger.
Saturday: Sponsorship is out of control. I mean, an American Vitaminwater spaniel? A Red Bull terrier? Really? . . . My Vizsla buddy in Ohio wants me to send him some rugelach from Zabar’s. Hope there’s not a line. . . . There’s a German shepherd in Stall 231 who acts like they won World Wars I and II. . . . My agent’s here in New York, trying to get me a spot on “Heeling With the Stars.” . . . Maybe it’s a “people thing,” but for the life of me, I don’t find Jimmy Kimmel funny.
If I weren’t a show dog, I guess I would’ve gone into pediatrics.
Sunday: “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” was great. The pointer with the dragon bandanna is just embarrassing. . . . Lately, my owner’s been adding a little PBR to my dry food in the morning — not bad. . . . If Kathy Griffin has a pet, I assume it’s a Chihuahua who won’t shut up. . . . The border collie is wearing a black collar in memory of Borders bookstore. Nice touch. . . . You wouldn’t believe what went on in Ring 17 last night: A Republican debate! . . .
Loading...
Comments